Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Long overdue update

It's been pointed out to me that I haven't updated in a long time!

Briefly:
My check-up with the radiation oncologist went really well, mostly because HE was out of the office that day and had a female rad onc filling in for him, whew!! So much easier for me. And she was super impressed with my healing, said everything's great, and if it weren't for the incision scar, she wouldn't even be able to tell which breast was treated. WOOHOO! (There's still swelling, which had worried me - shouldn't a breast that's had tissue removed 3 times be smaller, not bigger?? - but she said it's normal and it may just take a few more months to go down. So, I'm cool with that!)

I'm also on day 7 of Tamoxifen with no problems. Taking the first one was the hardest - I cried about it. I've heard that it takes a few weeks for side effects to show up, if you're going to have side effects at all... and maybe I'm one of the lucky people who won't! Although, I think hot flashes will pretty much be a given. We'll see.

So that's why there haven't been updates - I'm doing really well. My "struggle" now is with how to get back to "normal life" - new normal, whatever. Cancer treatment was intense and foregrounded in my life for 6 months, but now that's over. I don't want to be so focused on it. But it's weird, I still read the breast cancer message boards several times a day, totally just out of habit, because it's what I did for months. I don't want to be that immersed in Cancer Land, and I don't want to be blogging about stuff in a Cancer Blog so frequently... but at the same time, it's not like everything's just "over" and I can throw a party and get on with my life. Not when I'm taking a DAILY anti-cancer pill, and will be having regular check-ups with various doctors for years (if not forever?!), and mammograms and MRIs and all of that. And I have made, and continue to make, big changes in my life with the goal of making sure the cancer stays in remission for the rest of my life. (Add the usual disclaimer about how I know nothing can guarantee that, blah blah). Changes such as improving my diet (it's an on-going process) in specifically anti-cancer ways, being very conscious of my work life, going to therapy weekly to process emotions and past traumas, detaching from stressful relationships that no longer serve me, etc. It's all good stuff, stuff that would be good for its own sake, not just as "recurrence prevention."

I'm not sure what that means for this blog - that cancer is much, much less of a focus of my life now that treatment is over, but not something I can leave behind/ignore entirely. I'm trying to find the balance. I'm not sure if I will end up only sporadically coming to post here if/when I'm having issues with cancer stuff (e.g. Tamoxifen side effects, or doctor appointments that I need to ramble about), or if I should try and turn this into a more general blog about my life, and write about lots of stuff that's not cancer-related. But it IS called Britta's Boob Blog, not Britta's All-Encompassing Blog. Hmm.

See, this is why I haven't been blogging - I'm just not sure how to do it right now! I feel like I should be "updating regularly" as "usual," but... I don't want to write about cancer stuff when I'm not thinking about/dealing with cancer stuff just for the sake of having new content for my blog... you know?

4 comments:

  1. I say turn it into an all encompassing blog about your life, because I like reading your words! You can start a new blog with a name that makes you happy and just link out from this one so that anyone can continue reading about your life as it is now. :o)

    For instance, I've been wanting to chat with you about foodstuffs the last couple days!! Sardines, kale, turmeric, wooo! I'm trying to get in the habit of posting pictures of my farmers market finds and hopefully different meals we make that are awesome. (Like the soy-free vegan burgers we made last night, aaahhhh.)

    Really your blog is about YOU, and that's what all of us are interested in anyway. Cancer is definitely not you, just a part of your journey. :o)

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  2. I just like reading your blogs. Whether it's here or on LJ. I like reading what my friends are up to, especially when they aren't nearby.

    Also- i bought sardines last week. I haven't eaten them yet. The can stares at me every time i open the cabinet.

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  3. Hi Britta,

    thanks for the great post. I can completely relate, as you know from reading my blog. It's such a process and it ebbs and flows and swirls and changes constantly. Just when I think I want to get away from blogging about my experience with breast cancer I feel the need to start blogging more. I suppose like any relationship, when it no longer feeds me it will drift away. I'm so glad you're giving yourself permission to just BE with the hole process. And I am SO PROUD of you and how proactive you are being toward your overall health. You inspire me with diet changes. I almost called you yesterday in tears (you read my blog so you know why). I needed to feel a CONNECTION to someone who I knew could and would listen to me wholly. I wish I had called. I will next time. I was thinking about coming up to Bratt again on Monday nights to try my hand at juggling. I know that community is hugely important to you and I am looking for new community. Particularly creative, theatrical community.

    I love you. Thanks for your continued love and support.

    Sue

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  4. thanks, shayla, steph, and sue!! sue, yes, you can call me anytime. i'm going to email you about stuff!!

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