Sunday, February 14, 2010
Just for LOVE
yesterday was "just for love," the circus benefit show that my friends put on for me at NECCA. and wow, i have tried several times now to write the story of yesterday, and i am still so overwhelmed by it all that i'm having trouble finding adequate words to explain how amazing it was. i felt loved in a way i've never felt loved before. between the audience, the show's performers, producers, directors, backstage people, volunteers, etc., there were approximately 300+ people there...all to support ME... and i... i don't even have words for how amazing that is. just writing about it is making me cry all over again! the audience of hundreds included my mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad, brother, sister-in-law, niece, aunt, uncle, and numerous friends, some of whom i hadn't seen in a long time, some who drove a long ways to get to the show, and i was so touched.
the performances were awesome! there was tightwire, solo trapeze, duo trapeze, chains, diablo, hooping, contortion, straps, dance, clowning, lyra, and juggling! i loved it all, and so appreciate the generosity of all of these performers who put so much time, work, and heart into the show. then came the finale - i was so surprised when the entire cast performed the pink glove dance!! the moment the music started, and the gloves came out, and i realized what was happening, i started bawling.
i have watched the pink glove dance video SO many times on youtube, especially when i'm having blue moments and need something uplifting, because the energy and optimism of that video is so infectious - hundreds of people dancing to "you won't be lonely, even when the sky is falling down"...it's such a comfort and reassurance to those of us who are dealing with breast cancer. so to have a room full of friends and family and people i love sing & dance to that song just for ME... WOW. in the middle of it, deena came to pull me up on stage to join them, and i was crying and laughing at the same time, trying to dance with her but mostly stumbling around like a dork because i was just so overwhelmed i could barely breathe. then lots more people from the audience came up to dance with us, too, and there was a whole sea of people hugging me and kissing me, dancing with me, picking me up and spinning me in circles, and i was just speechless with a pounding heart, soaking it all up.
it was truly one of the best days of my entire life. definitely the best valentine's day EVER!! okay, so it was the night before valentine's day... but our after-party lasted past midnight, and when someone noticed that it was officially valentine's day, we all toasted. i have always loved valentine's day, despite always being technically single, because i love the idea of a whole day devoted to love. it frustrates me when it is narrowly seen as a day for couples, because really it is a day to celebrate love in ALL of its forms - love for family, friends, your self, community, children, animals, nature, chocolate, god(dess)/spirit/etc. for those who believe, the world, and love itself. i get sad when the media/society presents this false dichotomy of either celebrating valentine's day because you're in a romantic relationship with someone or being bitter and snarky and anti-valentine's day because you're single. valentine's day (and life!) is about so much MORE than that!! i am very rarely in a romantic relationship, but i don't consider myself "single," and certainly not lonely, and my "love life" is not lacking. yesterday is the definition of my full and satisfying love life!! i LOVE my family and friends and community SO much!! during the pink glove dance, when we were all clustered together and so hyper, jumping up and down, dancing, hugging, someone yelled, "WE LOVE YOU, BRITTA!" and i couldn't see them and don't even know who it was, but i yelled back into the crowd, "I LOVE YOU, TOO!!" and it was just beautiful and perfect. i kept on dancing, and in one hand, i had the bouquet of beautiful flowers that deena had presented me with, and in the other, i was holding the valentine i had made for everyone way up high - a big red heart that said "thank you so much, NECCA, friends, and family! love, britta." i hung it on the wall of the studio when the show was over. i was carrying my 2-year-old friend ruby around (deena & danny's daughter), and she asked me about the valentine, so i read it to her and explained that i had made it for all of my friends and people i love. she smiled. "for me? and mama, and papa, and aimee?" i said yes, for her, and her mama and papa, and aimee, and all of those people who were out there dancing, and all of our other friends who couldn't make it to the show but were there in spirit... ruby looked at the valentine some more and asked, "where's my name? where's R-U-B-Y?" :) i explained that i didn't have enough room on the heart to write everybody's name, but that it says "thank you, friends," and ruby is my friend, so that includes her. and i hope everyone knows that although i did not have room on that paper heart to write everyone's name, all of their names ARE on there, and all of their love is inside my real heart... my heart that is SO SO full of everyone's love and joy and healing energy. and you know, my heart is mere inches away from where that cancerous tumor was in my left breast...and the cancer doesn't stand a CHANCE against all of the love that my heart and whole being is flooded with.
BIG BIG THANKS to
- amanda and henry, for creating/organizing/producing the show
- all of the performers, especially deena, for performing right to me and hugging me at the end
- all of the people working backstage and all of the tech people
- all of the volunteers, doing box office, concessions, house managing, decorating, and stuff i don't even know about
- the people who stayed past 10 pm to clean the studio up
- everyone in the audience, for your energy and financial support
- the person who spent his morning driving all over western MA to find the pink gloves, and the people who did other things like this that i'm not even aware of
- everyone who donated money
- the winning bidders during the mid-show auctions, and all of the bidders
- everyone who shared a piece of their heart
- my family & friends for coming to the show and supporting me yesterday and always
- my friends & family who couldn't make it to the show but are always in my heart
- elsie & serenity and ALL of NECCA
- the universe
- you reading this