i had a great meeting with K yesterday, but that's not what i want to blog about right now. maybe later.
i am SO OVERWHELMED by my to-do list, to the point of feeling paralyzed by it. it's too long and unmanageable, and i am having trouble prioritizing.
for starters, my room, and the whole house, is a total DISASTER. i should be taking care of that before i do anything else - i can't concentrate on my computer work when my desk is like a tornado aftermath, and i can't cook healthy meals when there's not a single clean dish in the kitchen, and i can't achieve inner peace through yoga if i don't even have enough floor space to roll out my damn mat. so i NEED to be cleaning. but there's a part of me yelling, WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE DISHES, WHEN I'M TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO KEEP MY BREASTS!
i need groceries, but first i need to make a list of the Anti-Cancer Foods i am limiting myself to. i need to bring the OVERFLOWING boxes of recyclables to the recycling center. work has been so stressful it puts my stomach in knots, but i don't have the time or mental energy to address that right now. my car registration and inspection are both overdue, and tonight, my "check engine" light just came on. i have to pay the february bills, but first i need to get my roommate to pay for half of january's bills and also buy stamps. i have to photocopy all my paystubs from the last 10 days and mail them to my caseworker guy, so that i can keep my health insurance. i have to try and interpret my pathology reports, and make lists of questions to ask both oncologists next week. i have to do the meeting minutes, and return emails, and GRIND THE STUPID FLAX SEEDS, which sounds like a silly thing to have on a to-do list, but i've been putting it off for over a MONTH. i have to do my taxes, and do laundry - but first i have to buy more laundry detergent, and change the brita filter, and buy more of the supplements i'm out of, and complete overdue work paperwork, and find enough change to fill a jar and put it in my car so that maybe i can stop getting parking tickets, and figure out how to stop losing weight and maybe buy a belt in the meantime, and OH YEAH, call the hospital back so i can schedule my next surgery!!
ohmygoddess, how do i even have time to do the basics, like shower and sleep?? i don't know what to start with. so instead i do nothing other than complain to the internet!!! friends are calling and emailing me and wanting to hang out, but i'm feeling like not only do i not have the time, i don't even have the time to call back to say that i don't have the time. :(
i think the problem is that all of this stuff is happening simultaneously, which is not usually the case. i mean, we ALL have to buy stamps and laundry detergent, do the dishes, pay the electric bill, do taxes, re-plenish the supply of coins for parking meters, take out the recycling, etc. but usually these stupid little things are spaced out! why are they all clustered together NOW?!? arrggghh.