Thursday, February 25, 2010

ARRGGHHH

JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!!
On Friday, I went to my oncologist's office and signed up for the clinical trial that will cover the cost of my Oncotype dx test. That's the test that analyzes 21 genes in your tumor and gives you a numerical score that indicates how likely you are to have a recurrence in the next 10 years, and this helps with treatment decisions. So I signed all the forms and gave a blood sample and all of that, and they said my tumor would be sent off for the test on Monday.

Monday was 3 days ago. I just got a call saying they actually can't send away for the Oncotype test until I come in for another test, because the rules of the clinical trial are that everyone must have a pregnancy test first. AARGGGHHH. So now I have to drive 60 min round trip tomorrow to PEE IN A CUP and prove I'm not pregnant, because BEING A FREAKING LESBIAN isn't proof enough*. And now the wait for my Oncotype score is going to be EVEN LONGER.

And my car is stuck in the driveway, which is like a huge muddy river with snowbank islands. THIS IS SO STUPID.

*Forgot to mention, I also have my period RIGHT NOW. I could not be any more NOT PREGNANT.

And wow, I wondered when the day would come when my blog would need big TMI warnings...If I can figure out how to make some of these posts password-protected and accessible only to women (yes, women - sorry, guys) who email me for the password, there is SO much more I could write about...

6 comments:

  1. I can hear your frustration - but, you are a woman and can bear children so your sexual orientation doesn't mean you can't possibly be pregnant silly girl! (of course, it would be planned and therefore you would know if you were trying to conceive but, I'm sure the doctor's office doesn't care to know those details - they just want to cover their bottoms from lawsuits!)

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  2. hahaha! Oh, i'm so sorry. Kind of like when i broke my arm in middle school and every time i got an x-ray (bi-weekly? Monthly?) they would ask me if i was pregnant.

    HELLO! I'M *THIRTEEN*! I HAVEN'T EVEN *KISSED* A BOY YET!!! Besides the fact that i was a loser and boys didn't want to be near me, and i didn't really want to be near them. But, i did grow up in the valley, where this is entirely possible and probable... But still. It was horrifying at first and then very, very funny.

    How annoying. S'like, you could pee on a stick at home and find THAT out...

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  3. Eh, it's less about CYA with clinical trials and more about inclusion in statistical analysis. As a scientist, I see where they're coming from - they can't include you in the study unless THEY tested you, regardless of your proud homotown citizenship.

    On a note of queer fun, I discovered the online series "That's Gay!" which has tickled my homo humerus. Here's the ep on coming out in media: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7RuFGQAoUI

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  4. Oh, and Target Women, from the same company. Here's her take on 2009: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2645ispZ3Q

    I want that mochas/feminist queer theory time with you.

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  5. erin, i know... i'm just being a pain!
    steph, that would have traumatized me for sure!
    okay, right now i am a sexually inactive lesbian on her period!! how much more NOT pregnant could i get?!

    sarah, homotown citizenship, HAHA! i like that. and thanks for the youtube link. i freakin LOVE target women...sarah haskins is hilarious. my favorites are the yogurt one, disney princess, barbie, and whichever one it is that includes the princess who is crying over her period and then feels better when the prince swoops in the window and gives her a glass of milk.

    i want that time with you, too! <3

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  6. I think if anyone desires to be a pain right now its you! Funny, after your post I went to the dentist (well, the dental clinic since I don't have a dentist here in Maine) and was asked if I was pregnant and then they had to take my blood pressure and pulse - to clean my teeth!!!! ODD!!!

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