Thursday, January 7, 2010

Hypergraphia

OMG, why can't I shut up? Is it the Percoset? Lingering effects of anesthesia?

After spending nearly 2 whole days in bloodstained flannel PJs, I am now wearing a rather fancy, fitted, nearly-new button-down shirt. I feel ridiculous, like I'm on my way to a job interview. In reality, I was like a clumsy 4-year-old in the shower, and didn't even manage to shampoo my hair. Why am I still dizzy? I'm sick of being dizzy.

Edited to add:
Hypergraphia. I think that's what it's called when you write too much. Do I have that? I can't stop. I don't know why I'm writing so much. Probably because I can't think of what else to do. What else was on my agenda today? Get off Perc - CHECK, I just took Tylenol instead of Perc. Go for a walk - well, not yet. I'm still dizzy and don't want to fall in the snow. Should I walk up and down the stairs, or pace the hall or something? Oh geez. I don't really wanna watch TV, because there's nothing on. I was reading the list of shows last night and there is a new show called "WHAT I HATE ABOUT ME." That's so sad it makes me want to cry. Why is there a show devoted to what women hate about themselves? :( I have been trying to hard to love myself lately, and have been talking with friends about the importance of self-love, and we've all been encouraging each other to love ourselves and remember our awesomeness, because most humans don't ever love themselves enough but it's so freakin important and the whole world would be a better place if we humans just learned how to love ourselves and helped each other to do that, and I RELALY MEAN THAT, I'M NOT JUST SAYING WEIRD SHIT BECAUSE OF PERCOSET! So it really stung to see that there's a TV show about hating yourself! I HATE TV!
So anyway. I don't wanna watch TV, but I don't think I could concentrate on a book right now, and I'm a little shaky for some reason, too. Maybe the coffee. I don't need to sleep any more right now. Yesterday I took a 4 hour nap, and then slept for 10 hours, so I'm good. So what do I do now? Hmm. Write about how I write too much, I guess. Maybe I'll just go sit.

3 comments:

  1. hi britta! i say: don't worry about writing too much, because it is pure genius, and i love reading every word. has anyone ever published a preparation manual for bc surgery? something that's funny, and human, and not dry and not unnecessarily alienating? you so totally could! this is actually really great reading AND very interesting AND could be very helpful to many women! <3

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  2. oh, i meant to sign cathryn, by the way....xo!

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  3. Hi Britta,

    YAY! Surgery is over. I commented on the blue pee below....fond memories of year past. Did you ever see The Madness of King George? In the film, KG has blue pee as a symptom of some disease. Fortunately for us our blue pee wasn't from a disease, just NUCLEAR MEDICINE, that's all.

    You are amazing, Britta, and now I can see why people were saying I am amazing, because you've gone through SO MUCH and yet remain positive, funny, open, and adventurous. I guess that's all we can do in times like this if we want to live a good life.

    I'm so very happy that you've crossed this hurdle. In terms of chemo, I would DEFINITELY take the recommendations of the Oncotype DX. If this cancer ever recurs, it is incurable. Any breast cancer that metastasizes to other parts of the body, or even back to the same spot, is incurable. Because of your age, it might very well suggest chemo, and I would think long and hard about it. I had chemo and I now feel completely fine as if I never had it. Be careful not to dismiss it because it's Western and gross. Many people are alive today because without it they'd be dead. I'm being frank because I love you. That's just my two cents. Chemo is a very scary proposition, but these days it is so perfected that getting through it is at least tolerable unless the person is really super sick. You are strong and young and healthy with a load of support. It will suck, but it will be doable. It took me a long time to say yes to chemo, but I'm really glad I did. Now I know I did all I can to prevent recurrence.

    I love you Britta, and am so proud of you. Keep the writing coming. I love it. Write, write, write. You are a great writer!

    I'll call soon. Sorry I haven't been commenting much on the blog. I keep you in my thoughts every day.

    Love you,
    Sue

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