Whoever thought I would be spending my 31st birthday trying to decide whether or not to keep my breasts?
Yesterday, I received the news that my margins were unclear again. The area of DCIS (which is pre-invasive cancer) turned out to be over 3cm, despite only showing up as 3 millimeters on the MRI/mammo/etc. I now have to at least go back for a 2nd re-excision surgery (surgery #3), and consider getting a mastectomy. If I got the 2nd re-excision and margins were clear, I'd need to follow that with radiation. If I chose mastectomy instead, I would not need radiation. It's a huge, difficult decision. I know that most people think I should take the route of re-excision + radiation, because mastectomy is "so extreme." But it worries me that there was so much DCIS in my breast that was unable to be detected through imaging. It makes me wonder what other cancer might be in my breast, or even the other one, that can't be detected by anything other than surgery. I also wonder, would 6 weeks of daily radiation truly be less physically dangerous/damaging to my health than mastectomy? Is mastectomy only seen as OMG SO EXTREME because of its emotional effects?
There are a gazillion thoughts inside of me, but I don't want to blog about my reasons for and against mastectomy. For once, it's a topic that just feels too personal for the blog. I have to think more first, just by myself.
Despite the unrealness of spending my 31st birthday trying to decide whether to keep my breasts or not, I have also had a wonderful time with friends and family today. I had plenty of laughing fits, and also was in tears of gratitude over the outpouring of love I received from so many people...phone calls, emails, FB messages, e-cards, snail mail cards, surprise gifts! I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and family and people who love me. Life is GOOD. And it will KEEP being good.