I have now known for a day and a half, that I have breast cancer. I am feeling SO OVERWHELMED by everything that I don't even know where to start.
I don't even know what to start writing about! Should I give an overview of the factual things that I know about my pathology report? Should I write about all the wonderful support I've been receiving from friends and family? Or babble about all of my fears? Or ponder the treatment options?
Should I be posting on the message boards of the Young Survivor's Coalition, or Googling the most recent cancer books, or calling my health insurance company, or paying the electric bill, or sending flowers to the physician who found the lump in my breast, or forgetting about it all and watching the Gilmore Girls? Should I be researching the cancer specialists in VT, or calling one of the dozens of phone numbers friends have given me of friends/relatives who have also survived cancer, or reading the breast cancer handbook that the surgeon gave me, or emailing my employers to figure out my work schedule, or returning people's phone calls and emails of support? Should I be asking my Green Witch friends for herbal advice, or going to my mom's homeopathist, or calling the hospital again to ask when my MRI appointment is, or stocking up on miso soup and garlic? Should I be adding graphics to my blog, or trying to take a nap, or calling the hospital to have my tissue sample sent to another pathologist for a second opinion? Should I be asking my friends or family to look at this list and tell me what to do, and who should I be listening to? Should I just do some yoga and meditate for a while and ask Spirit for guidance, or should I be doing the meeting minutes, or cleaning the litter box, or setting up an appointment with my "patient advocate" to ask her what grade of cancer I have and what a sentinel node sampling procedure is like? Should I be thinking ahead to the month and a half when I'll probably need daily radiation treatments in Keene and start searching now for someone to sublet my room for that time while I stay in Keene, or should I be calling about that part-time job offer I received last week, or should I be soaking in a relaxing bath, or buying a new water filter so I'm not drinking tap water, or practicing saying the words "I have breast cancer" out loud so eventually I can say it without crying?
I AM SO OVERWHELMED. There is so much to be done and I don't know where to begin.