Sunday, November 15, 2009

BC "awareness"

When I went to Amazon dot com and did a search for "breast cancer," up came a list of 57,905 books. That's a lot. But then I noticed that there are also 510 "breast cancer" HOME & GARDEN products. What the...??! Naively wondering what in the world a "breast cancer gardening product" would be like, I clicked the link, and was amazed to discover just how HUGE this "breast cancer awareness" stuff is. Did you know you can have "breast cancer awareness" gardening sheers, towels, measuring cups, and a $269 Kitchen Aid mixer that is pink to increase your awareness of breast cancer? When you're gardening, you can rest your knees on a squishy pad that has a big pink ribbon printed on it. When you're in the mood for a treat, you can use your "Bonjour Pink Hot Chocolate Maker and Mug Set." But be careful not to get hot chocolate on one of the 376 pieces of breast cancer jewelry you may be wearing. One of these pieces may be a lapel pin you are wearing to announce that your Basset Hound is opposed to your breast cancer.

Why, you could spend your ENTIRE DAY maintaining an awareness of your breast cancer. You could sleep in your pink pajamas and then wake up and pat your Basset Hound with the pink collar, before getting a glass of water from your filtered pitcher with the pink ribbon on its lid. If your clothes are too wrinkled to wear, you can get the wrinkles out with your
Jiffy Steamer 1901 ESTEAM Travel Steamer, Pink Breast-Cancer Series (TM). Eat some breakfast (strawberry yogurt = pink, and so supportive of the fight against breast cancer) out of your pink bowl. If by the end of breakfast you have forgotten about your breast cancer, it's okay - maybe on your mantle you have this Breast Cancer Support "Hope Is So Uplifting" Music Box. The lady bug, with pink ribbons instead of spots, is "dressed in breast cancer awareness attire" and she even has balloons.


Or if it's a windy day, your
Windchimes of Hope may be able to remind you - jingle jingle breast jingle cancer jingle jingle. If you have breast cancer at Christmas, you can make sure your tree is hung with the mermaid with the pink tail - making a SPLASH in the fight against breast cancer, she is.

So whenever you feel lost in the darkness, have a ribbon-shaped cookie with pink icing, turn on your stained glass breast cancer ribbon nightlight, and remember that
everyone is on your side, sister. Even the Tiny Miracles Rosie Breast Cancer Charity Baby Doll: So Truly Real.



6 comments:

  1. This is a really great post...and funny. I never knew many specifics about BC before you getting diagnosed, now of course I want to know everything I can and research it all the time. It's like getting a red VW Jetta, all of a sudden you see the damn things everywhere!

    But even the ridiculous pink items are at least contributing to greater collective consciousness about BC. In Keene there are even pink propane delivery trucks. Or the absolute worst was at Hamshaw Lumberyard, at the counter there are pink hammers, and it actually says "Let's hammer out breast cancer"...Ouch! That even makes the radiation sound like a walk in the park. I love you so much.

    -Austin

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  2. Do you ever read I Blame the Patriarchy? Surely you'e seen it? Jill's acerbic take on breast cancer's culture of pink is refreshing. You can find all her cancer posts in her Archives under the "Crazy Sexy Cancer" category.

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  3. I am so viscerally opposed to the Pink Stuff that it took Michael by surprise in a home goods store a couple of years ago...there was an article in the Boston Globe Sunday magazine section about the pink stuff, and business getting on the bandwagon and how it is good marketing and is any money really getting to the researchers? I would never be able to find it again, it was within the past year, but I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who thinks, enough already!
    And, you write really, really well although I hope that's not news to you.
    Thinking of you all from here; give your mom a hug from me when you see her?

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  4. You are reminding me of Barbara Ehrenreich's article about breast cancer culture and cheeriness and pink. But in a good way.

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  5. yeah- the amount of pink stuff is pretty crazy!

    admittedly- i did want the pink kitchenaid mixer. But that's just because i thought it would be a bizarre feminist inside joke for me to have a pink kitchen appliance. (i'll take a pink blender and pink vacuum cleaner too.)

    Though- it sort of makes me wish we had other colored things for other diseases. Red blenders for heart disease? Green for Cystic Fibrosis? I dunno...

    I do hope some of the money DOES go to research though...

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